Lurgy alert

November 17, 2015 by Ray Morgan

Lurgy alert

I've had the dreaded lurgy. Don't come too close to the screen - you might catch it!

I had a head cold so bad last week that I couldn't get out of bed for whole days. I didn't even want to, like, cross-stitch. Yeah. Exactly. It must have been bad. I just watched Food Network on a loop, even though I had definitely seen the boating episode of Barefoot Contessa at least 7 times before (she makes Roasted Eggplant Dip, they eat it while sailing). All I could take was repeats of American food programmes where they say things like "heavy cream" and "good vanilla".

I blew my nose so much that I got through four boxes of tissues. FOUR. My nose is looking very festive. My Mum dropped round a care package which include chocolate, grapes, more tissues, tinned fruit, and tomato soup. How cute is that? It reminded me of when I was little, and off school, and she would always buy me a packet of Fruit Pastilles and a bottle of Lucozade. How many other children of the 80s remember being given Lucozade when they were ill? I always smile now when the Lucozade adverts show gleaming athletes, and not kids in Care Bear pyjamas with a wonky fringe, begging to watch daytime TV for a 'treat'.

Ironically, I recently wrote a blog for work (I know right, I blog for work AND play) about how bad it is coming in to work when you're ill. Yet on Day Three, I was all "I'm going to Be Brave" and "I'm coming back to the office guys!" - needless to say, I woke up in the morning sounding like Madge Bishop after a box of Benson & Hedges. I ached. I was sweaty. I didn't go in.

When I did return, I lost my voice during a meeting. Good one, Raymondo. I also had, somehow, forgotten how to dress myself (four days in pyjamas can be confusing) - I'd put on WAY too many layers. Had I forgotten that this is a very mild November? By 10am, I was boiling. Puce. I had a long sleeved vest (!), a blouse, and a jumper. Come on now. Nobody needs that. After a quick hop to the chemist at lunchtime, I was so overwhelmed by my own body heat that I went to the staff loos, and took all three tops off. I just sat there in a cubicle, in my bra, panting, feeling every bit the glamorous career woman...

I'd also like to point out at this point that upon my return to work I went for an interesting hair choice, blow drying my hair into a neat bob and wearing a Gwyneth-in-Tenenbaums style hairslide, but by 5pm and I looked in the mirror, what with my red eyes, pasty skin and blotchy nose, I looked like the sort of person who rings on the doorbell when a new family move into a creepy mansion in a horror film and explains that she knew the family who lived there before VERY well.

Word to the wise, people with colds. Take Sudafed. Drink plenty of water. Sleep well. Watch food programmes. Don't go back to work until you - and your body temperature - are ready.